+

wow! so tonight was so awesome!! i don't even know where to start...

well...at enthralled we started using a Bible study book called "His Girl". the first topic in the book was stress! lol. definitely a great topic for me to here about. leah taught. she did very well, too.

so after i got home from life group, i read jordan's blog. he said something about how we sometimes feel like a horrible person if we don't keep our quiet time or if we don't do everything just right and about just letting God give you grace.

that really hit me because there are so many times that i beat myself up for making mistakes or for not giving God enough of my time. then i feel like i've caused distance to come between me and God and then that distance makes me feel guilty and i don't recognize His grace right there waiting for me.

so after i read that i went to my room to do my quiet time. i was looking back over the notes i had taken at enthralled and i found the referene to hebrews 4:14-16 written down. so i went to look it up...and i couldn't believe how perfectly it matched up to what i am going through...

"that is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to Heaven, Jesus the Son of God. let us cling to him and never stop trusting Him. this High priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same temptations we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. there we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it."

WOW! okay so let me break down what spoke to me in this...

first:
14a
"that is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to Heaven, Jesus the Son of God."

Jesus is our High Priest. He is the mediator between us and God. as i thought about this verse, my mind kind of wandered to how unworthy i am...like why did God choose me to live here in this place, in this home, at this church?...why am i not one of the aids orphans in africa?....why am i not a leper in india?...why am i not one of the lost people out there? why did God place a calling on my life like this? what made Him choose me? why am i so blessed? (don't ask how my mind went there from that verse, but it did) so that really made me want to seriously live a life worthy of my calling...knowing how blessed i am...that there is no reason why God couldn't have picked someone else to be where i am right now. i so want to live up to the honors that He has blessed me with.

next:

14b
"let us cling to Him and never stop trusting Him"

this really spoke to me...it's like i said, sometimes i just feel like i've messed up and put so much distance between me and God. like i'm not as close to Him as i was this summer or whatever... and i get discouraged. so this verse is exactly what i needed to hear. CLING TO HIM...NEVER STOP TRUSTING HIM! no matter where you are or what's going on...God is always there. He hasn't backed away. He is just as close as ever...you're the one who is moving away by not trusting Him to take care of you and of your faults. never stop trusting Him-EVER! it is so important to just give it all to God. let go of trying to fix things yourself- with your own effort. God will take care of you when you surrender to Him.

15a:
"this hight priest understands our weaknesses"

sometimes i feel like I don't even understand my weaknesses. i get overwhelmed trying to detect and recognize and understand my weaknesses. i ask God for conviction, but that can be a scary thing to ask for. lol. sometimes i don't even understand what i'm feeling- what my problems are. i just know i'm not where i want to be. so it's cool to know that God knows our problems even if we don't. and it all goes back to trusting and clinging to Him.

15b:
"for He faced all of the same temptations we do, yet He did not sin."

while Jesus was on earth, He went through the same exact stuff we do- yet He made no mistakes. so it's comforting to know that everything we are going through, so has He and He is here to aid us through these struggles. He is worthy of our trust. and He is ever ready to pick us up and dust us off when we fail and to set us straight again. His guidance is right there when we ask for it and submit to it.

16:
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it." !!:

good grief! that is so awesome!! COME BOLDLY! don't be ashamed to come to God. for only when you come to God, can you receive His grace and His mercy. it's always there. He will always be there to give us another shot and to provide us with grace when we need it.



so yeah...
that was so amazing. the way that God spoke to me tonight was so strong. and it made me realize that even though i haven't been spending enough time with Him or managing time wisely or handling stress well- that even though i may feel like i'm not as crazy on fire as i felt this summer- He reminded me that He has not gone anywhere. He hasn't gotten any farther away. He is just patiently waiting for me to come back to Him and place my trust completely in Him.

i know He has a call on my life...i have no right to spend time carelessly or get discouraged for no reason or to hold back when i know i need to step up. i have no right to take opportunities for granted. time is not my own. stress is something to smile about. it's a chance to bring God even more glory and to make me stronger in Him.

i get so awestruck sometimes when i talk to God. first of all...i've said this before...but like...i'm sitting in my room talking to God!! how crazy is that?!! and He hears me and cares about what i am saying. lol. it's so cool!
then i look at how many prayers He has answered for me. i look at how many ways He has shown me His power and love. it's so cool to know that i am in my God's hands. fully secure in Him alone. i am nothing without Him. He is all that i will ever need. nothing else matters.

so...

that's about it for now.
another long one. lol.

:)