long one...

dude!! pastor dino's message(s) (5:00 and late nite) were absolutely incredible. it hit me from like a million different angles.

the series we are in at hpc is "why?"..."real answers for life's tough questions".
so this week the question was "why is life not fair?".

i honestly did not expect to get as much as i did from this message.

pastor dino preached from the book of ecclesiastes- which not only is that like one of my favorite books, but it's also the book that i just randomly flipped to today thinking it was ephesians... and i ended up reading most of the verses he used tonight!

that was crzy!!

pastor dino also talked about justice. "why does God allow so much hurting, sickness, and war to take place in the world?"

which is something that i had just wondered about last night after watching blood diamond. why does God allow so much pain to take place? why does He seem so close to me yet so distant from people- like the rebels in sierra leonne and from the kids who are being abducted? why does He seem so far away from that woman who was high at the baton rouge dream center? why?

but in this message i was reminded that God gave us the freedom to choose to love Him. He didn't force us- that wouldn't be true love.

and because we have the freedom to make our own choices- some people (really all people) make bad choices. and those choices affect others. when someone makes and unjust decision- unjust consequences follow...not only to that person- but to the people around.

and when someone makes a just decision- just consequences follow...and affect the people around!

that hit me...
at closer thursday i got to speak on temptation and one of the things i said was that giving into temptation not only affects you- but it affects others.

i also said that what you do really influences where people spend eternity...if we make a bad decision it could have terrible consequences. (not to say that you have to freak out if you mess up...but just to keep your eyes open to see that you are not living only for your own life...keep an eternal mindset.)

when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness He had the power at His fingertips to make bread...but He didn't because He knew that our eternity depended on His decisions!


pastor dino also said that one of the reasons God allows all of this injustice to take place is to show us our great need for a Savior. in a perfect world we would never have to call on Jesus.

plus, one day, everything will be perfect. there is hope.

and the last thing that pastor dino said was that this life is like one inch out of the yardstick of eternity. we can't get so caught up in this earthly life that we lose our mentality of what's coming next. we must live for eternity!

one of my favorite verses ever- 2 tim. 2:4 "and do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the One who has enlisted you in His army".

i love that. we are called to fight in an army. soldiers are called to bring justice to the oppressed- and we can't do that when we are caught up in our own affairs.

when pastor dino started the altar call, He said some things- in both services that hit me. one thing He said was to just get your focus on God- just trust Him. He will pull you through the storm. (sounds like the standard stuff, but it went deeper for me this time.)

sometimes i really do ask question after question and i drive myself insane trying to perfect my mantality and trying to convince myself that God is who He says He is and that everything is under control...trying to make myself become perfectly passionate for God...trying to be more on fire than ever...trying to understand Him- His ways. but i can't. i just can't. i have to simply trust God.

several weeks ago i had been talking to my dad about some of these questions...and a few days later i found a note in my room from him that said...

"be still and know that I Am God."

"and I will clear the confusion, calm the waves, and quiet the storm. I'll move those things out of the way that are blocking your vision- your line of sight to Me. and I'll open doors to paths you never even knew were there. I'll help you see them-
you just be still and know that I'm God. I Am. and i love you."

every time i feel discouraged or overwhelmed with questions or doubt or anything at all... i read that and i feel God's peace wash over me. and every day different parts of that note stick out to me... i'll probably keep it forever and keep getting more from it everytime i read it.

i don't know- it just speaks to me and gives me assurance in my God. i know He has everything in His control.

and one more thing that i've been learning a lot lately- along with how truly important people are and how much value i need to place on them (still working on walking the talk) i'm also starting to realize that i am privileged to know God the way i do- not for my own sake. God hasn't given me the chance to go to things like amplified and summer camp and to hear from Him so strongly...and to feel Him so close to me...only for my own spiritual well being. there is something more to it than that. people! they are the reason. i am to be a sponge that soaks up God's presence as much as possible so that i can let it flow from me onto others.

in the most recent our life magazine- my favorite page- says "like Jesus, we belong to the world, living not for ourselves but for others."

strong!!

like all i can think about is how much i want to have a greater passion for people...

so many things are speaking to me...

-hosea 4:6
-jason laird
-tears of the saints song- by leeland
-gabby rehmeyer
-invisible children
-john 21:15-19
-rosa loves
-children's cup
-the people at the baton rouge dream center
-isaiah 61:6

...
i could keep going forever.

it's like so obvious- yet so many things and so many people just spark something in me and i'm awed and i start to crave to do something big to reach people.

i just have to keep my trust and focus on my God.

so yeah..

you're a nerd if you actually read all that! jk!

but seriously...
big shout out to pastor dino for letting God use him so strongly tonight- and always...and to my dad- and mom, for speaking into my life and for using their God-given wisdom to guide me and my little 4 little munchkin bros, and to tweezy and jen and miss alliece and charity and and paul and jp and miss donna and mr. craig...to all the elevators...and all of you people whom i love! thanks for investing so much into me... i pray that i can glorify God by putting all of your influences to good use by ministering to others. thanks for being awesome examples for me.

and thank you, God. i love You. thank You for Your amazing love...for the gentle yet strong embrace You've placed me in. for Your constance and stillness in my life. in you i won't be swayed by the wind. thank you, Father.



yes...i'm done now!!!
i got laundry to fold.
:) my favorite thing to do!!

love you guys!
-tori