elevate!!!!!!!!!!!

the first elevate class is tomorrow night!!! i'm so pumped!!

we had our retreat this weekend...
it was amazing!!

we went to st. judson retreat center (?) around the st. francisville area...
oh my goodness...!! i loved it there.

i could share about 50 pages of what God spoke to me while we were there and about the awesome people i got to hang out with...

i'll try to pick my top 3 experiences:

1. okay...well. in all honesty, i've been kinda bummed that i'm not doing full time this year. i don't know. there's a few reasons why (none really worthy of my bummed outness.) a lot of it has to do with my friends who are in full time right now. i wanted to be a part of it with them. and also the fact that i was so close to doing it...i am just too young to move out right now. that bothered me! lol.

when i got to the annex friday before we left for the retreat, i realized that all te people in evening elevate are business people or parents or even grandparents. (i love them all!! don't get me wrong!!:) i really believe i can learn a lot from them.) but i felt a little lost and out of place. i started to get worried and wondered if i could really do it...

when we got to the retreat center...i sat down in the sanctuary before the service started and i felt God tell me, "you're doing this for Me- for My Kingdom. not for your own pleasure and comfort. not to hang out with your friends. not to feel good about yourself. I have planned this for you. you had nothing to do with it. so trust Me. will you give Me your all? will you do your best? will you do it for those who aren't here yet?"

slap!

so yeah that changed my perspective a bit! lol.

2.
oh goodness...what can i pick. i think i'll cram a few things in on this one.
well..i got to hang out with just some of those people- you know what i mean? just some great, inspiring people... to name a few : kristina blunt, lauren shaw, shayna buyers (i think that's her last name), kelly finnagin, and a bunch of others!

also, during the retreat, everyone had solitude time for about 2 hours. i had an awesome time. normally i'm not an outdoors type of person...but i'm trying to get in the hippie flow (displace me started it all). anyway, >sarah< had shown me this really amazing spot cleared out in the woods. just a little area of ground encircled with trees. i plopped my messenger bag down under my head and just laid in all the dead leaves and stared into the sky. it was so peaceful. i just sat there and admired the nature around me.

the night before, elton said something in his worship that stuck out to me. it was something like "i want to feel tiny in your presence". i feel like God has been showing me that i depend on myself too much. i put way too much pressure on myself to be super spiritual and i end up not looking to Him. i act like i'm mature enough to handle things on my own...and i felt God remind me to realize my dependency on Him. He told me that i can't ever grow up. i must always be a child before Him. i can't lose my sense of dependency and helplessness, my need of His protection, my thirst for His approval, my fear of His commands. i must feel small in His presence. i have to be in such awe of His power. i'm just a baby girl. (james 4:10 "when you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor" and job 25)

so while i was looking up at the creation around me, i thought of God's power and how big He is...

i saw a hawk circling about 500 ft. above me (he must've thought i was dead or something :P) and it really did make me realize how small and incapable i am. that hawk was so far above me...at that moment it saw so many things that were going on that i couldn't see. i was just a speck of his view of the ground below.

i was so humbled.

3.
ok...the last service of our retreat, pastor timmy straight spoke. he is always amazing! i really love and respect him so much. he has something so genuine about him. his message was about finding your calling and clinging to it!

after the sermon, while we were all at the altar...pastor timmy called a few people out and gave them some prophetic word. i was one of them!
(i got so excited...you know how you always hope someone will call you out and tell you something about your life, but it hardly ever happens. lol. yes, i'm a dork)
anyway...
he told me that he kept scanning the crowd and scanning the crowd...and he stopped at me each time. he said that he saw my grandfather and all the missions work he does and he saw my dad and all the stuff he does at hpc...he said that sometimes i fade behind them. people don't see me. i kind of tend to blend in behind their shadows. but he said that God has set me apart. i won't follow either my dad or grandfather...i won't do the same things they are doing. he said people are going to stop just calling me dan's daughter...but soon they will notice me and say who is this girl. i'll be tori. he said that he knows i'm a pray-er. i don't depend on my daddy to pray me through stuff. i seek God for myself. he said God has something special planned for me.

WOW!! how crazy and awesome is that?!!
brittany olivier and i were just talking a few minutes before the service about how we both have family on staff at hpc and that sometimes we don't say our last names when we introduce ourselves to people. lol.

the funny thing is...i've never been bothered by it. honestly, (this is gonna sound bad but...) sometimes i like it. i guess that's why pastor timmy had to share it. i have to be sure not to just depend on my family's reputation and deeds and calling to live. i could easily just coast on what they're doing. but i have to seek and reach for myself.

however, i will always be thankful for the legacy i am a part of. yet another thing God had shown to me bofore this service was the huge advantage i am at. pastor timmy asked if anyone had felt deprived of their childhood to a point that they didn't know how to have a child like faith before God. and at that moment, i realized how amazingly blessed i am to never have to feel that way. my family has poured so much into my life. i mean seriously, i am 16 years old and i'm already starting a course that will prepare me for a life of full time ministry. there is absolutely no way i would be here if i didn't have my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents before me sharing their wisdom and lives with me.

i truly am so thankful for the family i get to be a part of.

...

so that's that.
the retreat was absolutely incredible.
i surrendered so many things to God there.
i dedicated my life time to serving Him...(while i was outside in that little spot in the middle of the trees) i imagined growing old with God at my side. i pictured myself old and gray looking back on a life time spent serving Him- no matter where or what dangers i face...no matter what challenges...i will serve Him all the days of my life.

(like that >brooke fraser< song, "You'll still be the One i want". she says something like "When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song"

You'll still be the one I want"

i'm so excited so start elevate. i want to soak up all the knowledge and wisdom i can. i want to give it my all...with a spirit of excellence.

thank you to everyone who is praying for me and to everyone who has sent money this summer. i thank God for all of you!
thanks for helping me grasp the calling God has for me.
love you guys!

-tori