"why are you living such a blessed life? why do you know who God is...why have you been so privileged to experience His presence over you so strongly...when there are so many people how have no clue what that shelter is. they have never sensed the confidence that you find in God's arms. They will never know His peace! They are being buried half alive...their bells are ringing...and yet you stand there. you're safe in God's arms. You know Him as your everything. He is your security. but a security that is not meant to be secure- nor is it meant to be comfortable. look at this dying world! God certainly did not allow you to know Him to the extent that you do, only for you! You must share it! how can you stand there in that shell of yours and be so warm and cuddled up...without a disturbance in your soul for the people around you...the people who are not only going to hell but they are living in it now!! you have been chosen to know your God. He chose You! but don't ever just sit there in pride and be content to know Him- when there are millions of lost sheep who never will know Him unless you become selfless and take a stand- unless you open your eyes to what's unseen!"

in LA, these thoughts kept revolving in my head. they rung so loudly...i could barely get through any outreach without crying. honestly, i didn't understand why i wasn't the one living on skid rowe. i couldn't shake the thoughts of "i should be here". i almost felt sick! it just didn't make sense that i should be the one with God's love dwelling in me- that i didn't even have to fight for it to be there, really...when these people have never even had a chance. it was not just humbling- but humiliating. i felt so unqualified and selfish.

God is the only one who knows why He chose me. and i really don't get it. i honestly feel sick to think about how much i take knowing Him for granted- how much i just don't do anything about it. i act like i'm living for me...but "like Jesus, i belong to the world, living not for myself- but for others." why is it so hard to get a grasp of?

Leah reminded me an incredible verse she found...Proverbs 31:8 & 9: Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves;
ensure justice for those being crushed.
Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless,
and see that they get justice.

a few weeks ago at prayer, i tried something weird. normally when we pray it's, "God touch so and so....but this time i prayed as if i were that person (i'm sure im not the only one who's ever done that...but it's new to me. lol.)
but it gave me such a new perspective. i know i;ll never fully understand what some people are going through...but praying as if i were them- it puts a whole new twist on it.

then i read that verse. "speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves."
God chose us...to be their voices. we are to cry out as if we, ourselves, are them. we are to feel their hurts so strongly in our hearts that we cry out. we have to be their voices. they can't speak! so we have to be the ones. if we don't cry out- then the rocks will!!!

and you know it's bad if God has to start using rocks as His pleaders!

we've got to start crying out. it's not our own voices we are using- it's theirs.



so there's a good long post.
i have so many more things to tell about LA.
one really awesome thing in particular.
soon...

hm..i might just post all ten pages of word documents i journaled. ? ;)

...


-tori