i guess a title goes here- huh?

well, today...umm...i wish i could say that i was a complete "monument of worship" for Jesus- like i said in the last post. but i wasn't. i will say that i am getting better about not letting stress get to me, but i really have a long ways to go.

i got frustrated today because i slept in and then my whole schedule was behind- i didn't finish school until like 8:30 tonight! rrr! we are re-doing the floors in our house so it's a mess- and my brothers are loud and obnoxious- which is normal, i guess, cause they're boys. but all of the noise and commotion and stuff really makes me tense and aggrevated. i get stressed very easily. and then i get mad at myself for messing up and for being impatient or unkind and i let it ruin my whole day instead of just picking up where i left off.

although, i am becoming more aware of the way i act- the minute i lose my patience, i realize it...and i try to do better. it's just so hard! lol.

but the more i surrender it to Jesus the easier it gets. i've seriously just got to keep my eyes on Him and on living outside of the natural.

actually, tonight, after i finished school, i looked back at my last post- and it reminded me of what God had put on my heart and it made me remember everything that is important.

and also...last night i read 1 corinthians 13:4-8...
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever...

i know everyone has heard this verse a million times, but it really spoke to me. today...although i still messed up anyway...i kept saying pieces of this verse to myself. and it really did help. i didn't mess up quite as much as i normally would have. like i said, i still have a whole lot to work on, but surrendering to Jesus...is all that it takes.

and one more thing... i've been learning so much from the book jordan gave me- authentic beauty. it is so crazy...like some of the very words i had used the day before i started reading it, to describe what i was going through or what i wanted to be like- were in here. it talks about being intimate with Jesus. about our lives being a sanctuary in which He dwells. our lives should be completely surrendered to seeking Him...to seeking intimacy with Him. He died- He gave everything up just to have a chance of being intimate with us. He is in love with us! He is in a deep love with us and He wants us to give everything that we are to Him. how can i ever not live to please Him?! how could i ever do anything to disobey Him or disappoint Him?!
i so just want to let my life be a pure and beautiful place that He dwells in. i want my entire being to be a full purstuit of Him. all that i want is Him. i want His will- not mine.

why is it so hard!!?
i can write long posts all day long- about my desire to be like my Jesus- but i have to take action- i must spend time in His presence everyday and throughout my day. i must seek Him with every ounce of my life. all of my effort must be given to becoming like my Jesus.

and one more thing...don't let stress and all of the things in your life steal your joy. don't let work or school or your problems get in the way of all the good things that God has blessed you with.

sometimes i get so wrapped up in my own life and my list of things to do, that i miss out on the joys of the life God gave me.

my little brothers do the sweetest things, and i miss it because i am too busy. my grandparents come over to visit us, and i'm too preoccupied to enjoy their company. life is so full of opportunities to be happy and share joy- and yet...i'm too stressed to see them.

no more...i'm tired of wasting the life that Jesus died just so i could live. i'm tired of wasting life on stress.

no more. i'm done with it.



one person who is an incredible example of having unwavering joy-is telia. if you've ever met this girl...she's like so full of happiness- she never seems to be mad at anyone- she has understanding- even when things aren't going perfect for her. i don't know why, but i just started thinking about her tonight.

this weekend i got to hang out with telia- and miss paula and stephanie and julia. (that was sooo mcuh fun- sushi, playing in the fountains, watching benchwarmers, and eating a lot of german chocolate, and talking a lot. lol.)

but anyway- i just saw something really cool about telia's character. she's just a great example of not letting the trials in your life get you down or steal your joy.

i didn't mean to like be all weird about that- i just thought it was cool.

sorry if you don't know her...haha. bet you're bored. (unless you skipped that part- shame!)

well, i need to go.

tomorrow is a new day. i surrender it to my Jesus.

i'm out.
-tori